[Home]       [Forum]       [Event Calendar]       [Forum Birthdays]

Home » Vichorse Forum » General - Off Topic » Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow?
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2573252 is a reply to message #2573177 ] Sat, 18 February 2012 22:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  hoppie  is currently offline hoppie  
Messages: 1675
Registered: April 2009
Completely Insane
Sounds like he should bring his flaming torch to the front of the stage to be snuffed out...'the tribe has spoken'!
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2573320 is a reply to message #2572628 ] Sat, 18 February 2012 23:43 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Dusty_Girl  
Messages: 3383
Registered: March 2009
Unstoppable, ungaggable, unzippable
Glenda wrote on Sat, 18 February 2012 09:22

Another2ndlogin wrote on Sat, 18 February 2012 08:38

No trick question, and certainly no hoo haa intended! This is actually happening to me with a man I have been with for 7 years and am married to.

I am in no way a crazy jealous person, but given the past, there se certainly some trust issues which he seems quite unwilling to work on, despite all promises to do so in the past. Just recently he has come to the conclusion that my issues with this other woman are delusional and that I needed to see a counsellor to sort myself out. So off I toddled to the counsellor, as I needed to get some clarity in the situation. At no time did he suggest that I was delusional nor that this behavior was appropriate.

Needless to say when I came home and OH requested to know how the session went, and what was said, I told him. To me, that this behavior was unacceptable to me, and that whilst he could do whatever he wanted, if he is going to continue this one on one relationship with this woman, I wasn't going to hang around to see the end result. He now thinks I am controlling, and not letting him have friends. Far from the truth!!! Given he cheated on me in the past, and with someone from work, I am not comfortable with him going out to dinner or the movies alone with her. She wanted to make dessert and come to watch DVDs with my man, in my house, when I'm away at work... And I had not even met her then....

To me, it seems odd. I can't work out why she is wanting to spend time alone with another man when she has her own fiancé. I can't work out why mine puts up with all her crap, as he's always in trouble from her. And I know I'd never put my partner in that kind of situation either.....

I'm not saying boys and girls can't be friends, they can. Many of my best mates have been boys over the years. I just don't feel that it would be appropriate for me to be hanging out alone with them once you are in a relationship. Naturally there are exceptions to the rule, but just speaking generally. And to add to that, any of my male friends would be absolutely rapped to meet my OH and happy to involve him too!

OH believes it is completely normal, and gave examples of other people who are in this situation. I gave his full permission to go find himself on of those girls!

Anyway, the point of this topic was just to see what other people thought within their own relationships, and the varying levels of trust they have within. Just checking if I really am a crazy controlling lady, or if my concerns are deemed legitimate by others outside of the relationship.

I have no doubt he'll read this to, as he likes to snoop through the forum. So much so, I should have posted in my real name... But hey, the mods will know who I am and hopefully keep my little secret!!!!!

Thank you to those who offered input - much appreciated!

because she is a good root and now she manipulates him just like she is her fiancée.....


Laughing Laughing Laughing

Oh fark me... Why don't you tell them what you REALLY think Glenda? Don't hold back to spare their feelings Rolls Eyes Laughing

(P.S does anyone know the best method to clean James Boags from a keyboard and computer screen?)..
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2573321 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Sat, 18 February 2012 23:45 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  gizmo  is currently offline gizmo  
Messages: 3974
Registered: October 2005
Location: Yarra Valley VIC
Step away from the computer,
My Ex was up to no good with his engaged work collegue, it was going on for some time, I kicked him to the curb and he is now single and lonely, much fool him. Smile


I can't...I have horseriding
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2573339 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Sun, 19 February 2012 00:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  FCEH  
Messages: 2341
Registered: June 2007
Stark, Raving Bonkers
Gosh, I've always said to my OH, if he picked up a stray for a one nighter I'd forgive him if he came clean BUT if I ever found out he was taking a girl out to the movies or sharing dinner then he would be history!
A once off 'sexual dalliance' is different and happens to god knows what huge percentage of couples but the closeness and sharing of talk at dinner or the intimacy of sititng close at the movies would really make me feel betrayed.
Sex is only a physical drive for a lot of men but romance and intimacy should be reserved for you, the wife....
AND BTW there are plenty of places to have a nookie at most workplaces! Office dunnies, the bosses desk while he is out, in the car at lunchtime.. plenty of people indulge in it cos they get off on the riskiness of it!


Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2573345 is a reply to message #2573339 ] Sun, 19 February 2012 01:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  gizmo  is currently offline gizmo  
Messages: 3974
Registered: October 2005
Location: Yarra Valley VIC
Step away from the computer,
FCEH wrote on Sun, 19 February 2012 00:58

Gosh, I've always said to my OH, if he picked up a stray for a one nighter I'd forgive him if he came clean BUT if I ever found out he was taking a girl out to the movies or sharing dinner then he would be history!
A once off 'sexual dalliance' is different and happens to god knows what huge percentage of couples but the closeness and sharing of talk at dinner or the intimacy of sititng close at the movies would really make me feel betrayed.
Sex is only a physical drive for a lot of men but romance and intimacy should be reserved for you, the wife....
AND BTW there are plenty of places to have a nookie at most workplaces! Office dunnies, the bosses desk while he is out, in the car at lunchtime.. plenty of people indulge in it cos they get off on the riskiness of it!





Just as classy as the skanks and pricks that are doing it. Dead

[Updated on: Sun, 19 February 2012 01:55]


I can't...I have horseriding
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2582863 is a reply to message #2572282 ] Wed, 29 February 2012 19:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  MyChloe  is currently offline MyChloe  
Messages: 133
Registered: November 2011
Level 3
zam zam wrote on Fri, 17 February 2012 16:00

Is this a trick question? Confused


i think rhetorical is the word..

Laughing oh dear...


You never get the pleasure of owning a horse, you only have the pleasure of being its slave.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2583141 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Wed, 29 February 2012 23:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Ozcore  is currently offline Ozcore  
Messages: 1092
Registered: September 2006
Location: Upper Beaconsfield
Level 1 - Advanced
I'd be kicking that prick to the curb. He has no respect for you at all. If he did, he wouldnt be treating you like that. Need a hitman?? No seriously... I hope he comes clean in this letter, so you can move on.

No partnership treats their other half like that unless something dodgey is going on.

Do you have any kids??
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2583392 is a reply to message #2572245 ] Thu, 01 March 2012 11:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  cheveauxpark  
Messages: 12331
Registered: April 2008
Location: kooweerup
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
cocochanel wrote on Fri, 17 February 2012 15:33

Tell them both where to go & how far to get there?????

Surprised


I am inclined to agree...
he has you why does he need a woman for a best mate..why cant he have a bloke best mate at work?
Suss...suss...suss...
sorry..if you let if go on might turn to something more if you say something then your 'hard to get along with' maybe you should do same and have a besty work mate as a bloke...
go to movies..beach..talk long hours on the phone see how lover boy takes that!! Confused

What a dick he is!! Rolls Eyes


0412954017
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2585209 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Fri, 02 March 2012 22:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Viki1  
Messages: 1163
Registered: April 2007
Level 1 - Advanced
Just my personal view but, he has broken your trust in the past and can't see that putting himself in a position that he could be called into question could hurt your feelings. So in saying that he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his own actions.

Does he bring up that it's your problem that you don't trust him? Try to make you feel guilty because they are just friends? He has already told you that it's your problem and that you need help with it - to the point that you spent your time and money to be told that this is not normal caring behaviour.
In my mind even if they are just friends and it make you uncomfortable then as a loving husband/partner he has a couple of option. 1. Ditch her and spend the time with you. 2. Bring you into the friendship so you are comfortable with it - or at least give you the chance to get to know this person.

At the moment it sounds like it is all about him - well it's not. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s in fact more so and should be a higher priority than any work mate be they male or female.

If he wants to be able to go out and do what he wants with whoever he wants tell him to go back and live with Mummy. He has broken your trust in the place.

You may have forgiven, but you will never forget. He bought that on himself.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

Play it loud and sing it strong and best of luck Smile
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2585210 is a reply to message #2583392 ] Fri, 02 March 2012 22:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  geegee  is currently offline geegee  
Messages: 8774
Registered: October 2005
Location: Cranbourne Sth RC
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to
I think this sums it up...

index.php?t=getfile&id=498777&private=0

mine failed on all counts Evil or Very Mad

  • Attachment: rel rules.jpg
    (Size: 16.85KB, Downloaded 898 time(s))


Horsin' around
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2585232 is a reply to message #2585210 ] Fri, 02 March 2012 22:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  geegee  is currently offline geegee  
Messages: 8774
Registered: October 2005
Location: Cranbourne Sth RC
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to
oh yeah and it took 16 yrs but I kicked him to the curb Smile


Horsin' around
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2586764 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Sun, 04 March 2012 20:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
patty  is currently offline patty  
Messages: 5
Registered: March 2012
Level 5
Sadly, this sounds the work of a controller. He makes it your problem. You have to justify why you don't like hime seeing her. (dinner etc is dating whether they are both in a relationship or not). If he is not sensitive to how it makes you feel, if he doesn't put your feelings first before hers. He is not the man for you, he should cherish you, not abuse you like that.A second chance is a licence to do it again. Talk about rub your face in it!! Walk away girl with your head held high, and don't look back.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2586958 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Mon, 05 March 2012 08:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Kasandy  
Messages: 1515
Registered: September 2007
Completely Insane
Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2586992 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Mon, 05 March 2012 09:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  EmmyLou  
Messages: 1654
Registered: April 2008
Location: Cranbourne South RC
Completely Insane
We had a look at this in psychology class a few years back, emotional affairs vs. physical affairs.

Basically an emotional affair is when someone forms a close bond with another person that directly impacts their relationship. Therefore, it is not a question of whether a guy and a girl are friends, but more that this "friendship" impacts on the intimacy and dynamic of their pre-existing relationship/marriage.

People in emotional affairs usually feel guilt free as they are in denial of the fact that it is an affair and rationalise it by the fact that they are not having sex or physical intimacy with the other person. So while he may think he is not cheating on you, he is, but emotionally rather than physically.

Interestingly, in our study, those who were in an emotional affair were more likely to seperate and not get back together with their spouse than those whose partners had physical affairs. Also usually they did not end up in a physical relationship with the person they were having an emotional affair with.

Seems human nature can forgive sexual infidelity more readily than emotional infidelity.

[Updated on: Mon, 05 March 2012 09:36]

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2587049 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Mon, 05 March 2012 10:21 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  pommiefox  
Messages: 429
Registered: June 2008
Level 1
If you think he is.....

He is. Listen to your intuition, it never lies, even if sometimes you would like it to.

Same situation and he married her too Rolls Eyes Rolls Eyes


The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed." Martina Navratilova
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2588058 is a reply to message #2587049 ] Tue, 06 March 2012 11:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  flaxen  
Messages: 788
Registered: January 2010
Level 1 - Advanced
Leave. Now. In years to come you'd be kicking yourself that you didnt leave him earlier. I wouldnt waste 1 second more of my time on him.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2588996 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Wed, 07 March 2012 10:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  we_wonder  
Messages: 684
Registered: July 2008
Location: Cheviot, South Island, Ne...
Level 1 - Advanced
My ex did this, when I asked to meet her it was arranged and cancelled 3 or 4 times . When we broke up, before actually, she was msging him saying that she really liked him blah blah blah they'd make a great couple... She had a 'nervous breakdown' when they went on a walk together and needed a hug ect ect . Long story short... Take the forum advice.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2589059 is a reply to message #2588996 ] Wed, 07 March 2012 11:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  blackorlando  is currently offline blackorlando  
Messages: 3722
Registered: December 2005
Unstoppable, ungaggable, unzippable
It is pretty common to have a 'work spouse' but it sounds like this 'couple' don't know where the boundaries are.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2589075 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Wed, 07 March 2012 12:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  sharonwilson  
Messages: 250
Registered: February 2012
Location: None
Level 2
you are both in relationship, you should be bestfriends, all others friends. agree he is control freak, always put pressure and blame on others but themselves a million excuses. if it was other way around bet he would go off his tree and question your movements 24/7. control freaks life is all about them! if possible move out for a while with family or friend dont contact him, bet he will spend all his time sending you messages, trying to talk to you as he'll want to know what your up to, rather than miss you. that'll show his control freak side. hard to say dont know your circumstances, stop blaming yourself or feelin guilty for any thing he does, he is at fault. ive been there done that. find true love
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2589895 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 09:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  cheveauxpark  
Messages: 12331
Registered: April 2008
Location: kooweerup
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
As usual...disease is left out of the equation..
really what other moron has his tart been with? Rolls Eyes
Just because you dont hear of it much...STD's can be bought home..they are not limited to street workers..
dirty office tramps can harbour them too. Confused


0412954017
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2589909 is a reply to message #2589895 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 09:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42382
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
cheveauxpark wrote on Thu, 08 March 2012 09:18

As usual...disease is left out of the equation..
really what other moron has his tart been with? Rolls Eyes
Just because you dont hear of it much...STD's can be bought home..they are not limited to street workers..
dirty office tramps can harbour them too. Confused




Confused

[Updated on: Thu, 08 March 2012 09:24]


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2590051 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 11:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  LexiEH  
Messages: 920
Registered: February 2008
Location: SEDC
Level 1 - Advanced
Reading all your posts, I'd get out.

However i know its not as easy as that. He sounds kind of like my ex (minus the cheating), he is very controlling, he seems to make you feel bad about yourself to make what he does appear like its normal and your the one with the problem... its unhealthy! I found it hard to leave, even though i knew deep down it was the right thing.

2 years ago now I walked away from my 6 year relationship, the first 2 months were hard, but by the 3rd month i felt like a whole new person, it was the best decision I ever made. Can't even begin to tell you what an enormous weight it is off your shoulders, walking away from someone who manipulates and makes you feel bad about yourself, even though there the one doing the wrong thing.

I now have a wonderful new boyfriend Smile and I am the happiest I have ever been.

Do what your gut instinct tells you to do, not your heart. As generally your gut instinct is the correct one! If it were me, I'd walk away. They never change... and you have it even worse considering there is another woman to the equation causing this behaviour..

Hope your ok!

[Updated on: Thu, 08 March 2012 11:08]

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2590619 is a reply to message #2590051 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 19:46 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Another2ndlogin  is currently offline Another2ndlogin  
Messages: 9
Registered: February 2012
Level 5
Thank you all... It really is helpful to read outsiders opinions and thoughts....

We have been to couples counselling a few times now. We are communicating a little more but it seems he is insistent on keeping this relationship with the other girl, citing that he doesn't want to be controlled and that it shouldn't make any difference if she is a boy or girl.

I guess the reason I am so against her is that I have been able to see comments and discussions they have had on Facebook etc... And she has made well clear numerous times that she doesn't think he and I should have gotten back together after a trauma like cheating, as it's her opinion you can never recover from things like that..... She has also made awful comments like " if you two don't trust each other as far as you can spit" .... And made abundantly clear she thinks it's stupid she has to make friends with me also to be friends with oh. Lastly, I have actually met her, we all went out for dinner with her and her fiancé..... Like I said, he was normal, but she was horrid.... At one point she was saying that she thought it was mean our dog sleeps outside, and I responded "don't your horses live outside" and got an immediate " I don't have any horses" which resulted in shock all around, even from her fiancé.... She may have not ridden for years, but does actually still have two horses at her parents.... It was as though she was adamant that we would have nothing in common....

I know it sounds stupid, but I really don't think he is, or ever will, physically cheat on me with her, and she has made very clear how against cheating she is too.... But I do feel he is emotionally cheating, talking to her about our problems etc etc....

I also feel he is not actually even giving me the respect of considering my concerns properly... Yes, I probably need to back off with the survey lance of Facebook etc.... But hey, every time I have checked I've caught him out doing something he shouldn't....

At our counselling session today, I told him that in my heart of hearts, I really don't think I can ever be in a relationship with him if he is going to continue with such a close friendship with this other girl.... He does have ther female mates that I don't have a problem with, but none of them this possessive, or interfering like she is...

Anyway, apparently he says she has seen the error of her ways and he Invitedher out to coffee with us after an argument where isidif she were normal and this friendship were normal she would want to do normal things like come over for a coffee. Without telling me he went to work that night and passed on an invitation. I then got a Facebook MSG from her saying thanks for the invite, did you want us all to go out or just you and me. I have politely replied its a busy week so perhaps next week, and I'll get back to her. Asked oh was he going to tell me he was inviting her out on my behalf.... He turned that on me too, not being ale to see how awkward this is now for me... She has made well clear she does not wish to get to know me, that she would only do so to be able to be close to him blah blah blah... She says he is one of her best friends...

Sorry to ramble, I just want to make sure it's a fair and accurate picture of the situation I am giving....

I am going to meet up with her alone and talk to her about my concerns and why I am not comfortable with them being so close, hoping that girl to girl she may be able to see my pout of view, but I doubt it...

Is it wrong for me to be so upset about this though.. I just feel like he is always standing up for her, and fighting for his friendship with her, but not standing up for me ( whe she has been rude etc) or fighting for us... He is going to counselling and today the counsellor was asking about patterns of behavior and asking oh to examine his...

I just don't feel that I am capable of being in a relationship where I am expected to make room for another woman... And sex or no sex with this me, I just feel that there has always been anther woman present.....

I suppose I am worried that I will always be fighting an uphill battle to be his only girl, and I feel in my own morals that this just isn't right.......

Doesn't make it easy though, because I do love him, he can be a great guy and there are lots of ther good parts about our relationship too....

Arghhhhhhhhhhh
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2590646 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 20:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Isaboe  
Messages: 7880
Registered: January 2009
This computer will self destruct in 10 posts
Man or woman, I would be very wary of any friend that didnt treat my husband with respect and want to get to know him better and the same if a friend of his didnt want anything to do with me. That is very disrectful on a friends part and not a true friend.

I would definately have coffee with her and oblige her ego. Ask her about herself continuosly...in a friendly interseted way not pumping for information. Try to be as light hearted and friendly as possible and dont whatever you do bite if she tries to bait you into a confrontation...you will only come off as the bad guy. If she gets bitchy, you get nicer...walk away from the meeting knowing that you were as friendly as you possibly could be so that she cannot go back to your partner and complain about you. When you get home, no matter what, tell your partner what a lovely time you had and how much you enjoyed her company. If she says the opposite, it will be sour grapes on her part as far as he concerned. Good luck, smile sweetly and resist the urge to throw coffee in her lap Smile
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2590686 is a reply to message #2590646 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 20:38 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42382
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
You SHOULD NOT under any circumstances be meeting with her. You can't even deal with this issue with your partner, let alone dealing with it with the person you believe threatens your relationship.

Why can't women learn a bit of dignity and self respect when it comes to these sorts of things. Keep your mouth shut to her or about her to anyone except your partner. Deal with the issues you have in your relationship - she's a symptom, not the cause.

And I hope he has another job lined up if you decide to meet her because you could just make his position at work impossible.

I don't know why you keep making excuses for both of them really - they discuss you, they disrespect you and they are enjoying every minute of it

Get out, and don't look back


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2590718 is a reply to message #2590686 ] Thu, 08 March 2012 21:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  SHAELEEJANE  is currently offline SHAELEEJANE  
Messages: 1258
Registered: May 2009
Location: ROSEDALE
Completely Insane
Bellasmum wrote on Thu, 08 March 2012 20:38

You SHOULD NOT under any circumstances be meeting with her. You can't even deal with this issue with your partner, let alone dealing with it with the person you believe threatens your relationship.

Why can't women learn a bit of dignity and self respect when it comes to these sorts of things. Keep your mouth shut to her or about her to anyone except your partner. Deal with the issues you have in your relationship - she's a symptom, not the cause.

And I hope he has another job lined up if you decide to meet her because you could just make his position at work impossible.

I don't know why you keep making excuses for both of them really - they discuss you, they disrespect you and they are enjoying every minute of it

Get out, and don't look back


AMEN Nod
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599427 is a reply to message #2588996 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 12:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
localgal1  is currently offline localgal1  
Messages: 1
Registered: March 2012
Level 5
I can understand why all you are feeling this way, truth is a while back so was i.... my partner had done the wrong thing before (cheated) and was doing something similar(not physically) with a girl he knew from school.... after breaking up a few times because of his misdemeanours i gave up and thought i would never give him another chance.... however, one night he came around begging for my forgiveness and realizing what a jerk he had been.... LONG STORY SHORT...we are both completely happy and love each other.... THE MORAL: If you are really in love... give it one last shot... you never know what might happen... GOOD LUCK EVERYBODY!!
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599459 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 13:18 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  chopin  is currently offline chopin  
Messages: 6410
Registered: March 2011
This computer will self destruct in 10 posts
they sound shifty to me, trying to make you all love each other so your suspicions are taken away.

Tell them both to fark off
plenty of fish in the sea
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599476 is a reply to message #2599459 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 13:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42382
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
So to the original poster .........

* Did you meet her ?
* Did you slap her ?
* Did you dump the boyfriend and become her friend ?
* Did you dump her and keep the boyfriend ?
* Did you find someone else ?


Give us the goss Smile


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599565 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 14:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  jazz1110  is currently offline jazz1110  
Messages: 1013
Registered: June 2010
Level 1 - Advanced
If my other half ever cheats on me, one night stand, what ever excuse, it is over!!
I wont put up with that crap, there is a never a valid reason for cheating! NEVER!!
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599844 is a reply to message #2599565 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 20:16 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Another2ndlogin  is currently offline Another2ndlogin  
Messages: 9
Registered: February 2012
Level 5
Well, thank you for asking...

No I have not gone out to coffee with the girl. I sent her a polite message saying that I hadn't realized oh had gone to work and asked her, and that I was very busy right now with a course at work, once that was over I would get in touch.
Oh just cannot seem to understand what a big ask that is of me, after she was so horrid to me in front of him last time we met up.... And yes, only because I did read his Facebook do I know how she really feels about our relationship etc... But hey, even if I didn't know, he shouldnt be putting up with that or wanting someone like that as a friend.... That and the way she cracks it with hi. Every 5 mins, is so possessive and controlling and he just can't see it....

Have since been to a counselling session by myself with someone else through work, this person was very good in helping me identify what the real issue is. And I was able to ascertain that I will just not be comfortable having to share him having an intimate friendship with another girl.

Counsellor basically told him that he may need to see someone else as hes just not taking in what the counsellor says. His words were along the lines of, "I'm telling you thisis not healthy, your wife is telling you this is not healthy, how many counsellers do you need me to get in here to tell you the same thing? The only treatment that I can give you that is any different is the 4x2 type...."

Oh responded that he'd like to make a list with what he wants and return, so I am waiting for him to make that appointment, he's certainly doing a very good job at drawing this out.

I believe he thinks that if he has to give up her as a friend, then I will have t do x y and z in return. And it's not that I am not willing to give, make changes or compromise, but I have told him that he needs to make the change because he wants to, not as a trade off if he is still thinking that my issue with it is "controlling", because if he doesn't want to make the change, then he'll either just keep doing it andtryto hide it,or he'll resent me for having made him do something he can see no error with.

The counsellor has asked him to look at his behavior patterns ( and hey started well before we got together ) and his fathers who's are similar, but he refuses to do so....

As each day goes by and this drags on and on, with us I. Separate bedrooms (7 weeks now) I feel like we are falling further and further apart anyway.

Right now is a very important time in my career, I have had a promotion with a significant pay rise, but have to pass a course that requires lots of study and hard work over the next 6 weeks... About 70% of people fail first time through, all break down at sme point in tears due to the stress, so I am putting my effort into that at the minute anyway..... Also 5am wake ups, so need to look after myself with plenty of rest and whatnot.....

I honestly don't have an issue with boys and girls being mates, but in a committed relatio ship I just don't think this is right.... I really feel that if I let this go, not only will it drive me insane, but that there is always just going to be an issue with another woman.... I just don't want my man chatting in the phone to another woman for hours after work and going out alone to intimate date like activities, and that is the friendship they want to be able to have.

I also really feel like he is just not capable of seeing things from my point of view as well as his own, and fairly trying to find a middle ground....

So anyway, that's the update as it stands right now.......

[Updated on: Mon, 19 March 2012 20:19]

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599850 is a reply to message #2599844 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 20:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Another2ndlogin  is currently offline Another2ndlogin  
Messages: 9
Registered: February 2012
Level 5
And he's my husband, with a relationship of 7 years total.... And a new house together....
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599953 is a reply to message #2599844 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 21:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  SHAELEEJANE  is currently offline SHAELEEJANE  
Messages: 1258
Registered: May 2009
Location: ROSEDALE
Completely Insane
Another2ndlogin wrote on Mon, 19 March 2012 20:16

Well, thank you for asking...

No I have not gone out to coffee with the girl. I sent her a polite message saying that I hadn't realized oh had gone to work and asked her, and that I was very busy right now with a course at work, once that was over I would get in touch.
Oh just cannot seem to understand what a big ask that is of me, after she was so horrid to me in front of him last time we met up.... And yes, only because I did read his Facebook do I know how she really feels about our relationship etc... But hey, even if I didn't know, he shouldnt be putting up with that or wanting someone like that as a friend.... That and the way she cracks it with hi. Every 5 mins, is so possessive and controlling and he just can't see it....

Have since been to a counselling session by myself with someone else through work, this person was very good in helping me identify what the real issue is. And I was able to ascertain that I will just not be comfortable having to share him having an intimate friendship with another girl.

Counsellor basically told him that he may need to see someone else as hes just not taking in what the counsellor says. His words were along the lines of, "I'm telling you thisis not healthy, your wife is telling you this is not healthy, how many counsellers do you need me to get in here to tell you the same thing? The only treatment that I can give you that is any different is the 4x2 type...."

Oh responded that he'd like to make a list with what he wants and return, so I am waiting for him to make that appointment, he's certainly doing a very good job at drawing this out.

I believe he thinks that if he has to give up her as a friend, then I will have t do x y and z in return. And it's not that I am not willing to give, make changes or compromise, but I have told him that he needs to make the change because he wants to, not as a trade off if he is still thinking that my issue with it is "controlling", because if he doesn't want to make the change, then he'll either just keep doing it andtryto hide it,or he'll resent me for having made him do something he can see no error with.

The counsellor has asked him to look at his behavior patterns ( and hey started well before we got together ) and his fathers who's are similar, but he refuses to do so....

As each day goes by and this drags on and on, with us I. Separate bedrooms (7 weeks now) I feel like we are falling further and further apart anyway.

Right now is a very important time in my career, I have had a promotion with a significant pay rise, but have to pass a course that requires lots of study and hard work over the next 6 weeks... About 70% of people fail first time through, all break down at sme point in tears due to the stress, so I am putting my effort into that at the minute anyway..... Also 5am wake ups, so need to look after myself with plenty of rest and whatnot.....

I honestly don't have an issue with boys and girls being mates, but in a committed relatio ship I just don't think this is right.... I really feel that if I let this go, not only will it drive me insane, but that there is always just going to be an issue with another woman.... I just don't want my man chatting in the phone to another woman for hours after work and going out alone to intimate date like activities, and that is the friendship they want to be able to have.

I also really feel like he is just not capable of seeing things from my point of view as well as his own, and fairly trying to find a middle ground....

So anyway, that's the update as it stands right now.......


That is an affair. Is he asking you to allow him to have a mistress?
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2599998 is a reply to message #2599953 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 22:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Finn  
Messages: 16868
Registered: January 2007
Location: BDFEG
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
Sad Sad Sad
I'm sorry you are still going through this. I really think you need to walk away. What a selfish, spolit child he seems to be.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2600030 is a reply to message #2599998 ] Mon, 19 March 2012 23:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  geegee  is currently offline geegee  
Messages: 8774
Registered: October 2005
Location: Cranbourne Sth RC
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to

By setting up that coffee date for you he was actually manipulating you into accepting her as a normal part of your (and his) life... but its not quite the same as: oh.. have a cuppa with mum or my sister, theyre in town today..

A meeting you could not decline without putting you in an embarrassing situation - and it seemed quite awkward for you to do so.. he is one out of the box alright, knows all the tricks


Horsin' around
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2600115 is a reply to message #2599998 ] Tue, 20 March 2012 07:59 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Isaboe  
Messages: 7880
Registered: January 2009
This computer will self destruct in 10 posts
Finn wrote on Mon, 19 March 2012 22:22

Sad Sad Sad
I'm sorry you are still going through this. I really think you need to walk away. What a selfish, spolit child he seems to be.


What she said Sad
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2600139 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Tue, 20 March 2012 08:33 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  jetjazzymanch  is currently offline jetjazzymanch  
Messages: 154
Registered: June 2007
Level 2
I too think you should walk away, he's putting this girl before you and that's just not right, your his wife you should come first and he should want to be spending time with you not another woman that's just not on. I wonder how this girls fiancé feels about their "friendship".
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2600413 is a reply to message #2599850 ] Tue, 20 March 2012 13:53 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42382
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
Another2ndlogin wrote on Mon, 19 March 2012 20:20

And he's my husband, with a relationship of 7 years total.... And a new house together....



I'm sorry but he wouldn't make a husbands ar$ehole


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2600589 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Tue, 20 March 2012 16:53 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  zam zam  
Messages: 12724
Registered: April 2007
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
Maaaaaaaaan! just kick him out already!!!!


If it sparkles or its fluffy its all good.
Re: Yeah yeah yeah - ANOTHER relationship topic - what would you allow? [message #2601773 is a reply to message #2572242 ] Wed, 21 March 2012 20:54 Go to previous messageGo to previous message
  Piffy  
Messages: 11732
Registered: August 2006
Out of my way, I am in the midst of a hoo haa monologue
i was going to post on this thread, then changed my mind.
it would have been interesting too! Laughing Laughing
Previous Topic:Hey Hoppie..... Yummmmmmm
Next Topic:Blue links in posts?
Goto Forum:
  


Current Time: Mon Sep 1 21:11:20 EST 2014

Total time taken to generate the page: 0.03738 seconds

.:: Home ::.

Powered by: FUDforum 2.7.7.
Copyright ©2001-2007 FUD Forum Bulletin Board Software