| Heartbroken... [message #2699349] |
Thu, 12 July 2012 17:12  |
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As some of you may remember I have been looking for ,y step dad from around 6-7 years ago, I have been searching for him for app. 5 years. On july the 4th I founf his nephew on facebook and sent him a message regarding the fact that I have been looking for his uncle. Last night I got a reply. I guess I always hoped that I'd find my dad, he'd realise he missed my mum, brother and I, he'd come back, we'd be a family again. I know it sounds far fetched but I just missed him so bad.
The message I got from his nephew came with a phone number to call him, after 5 years, I was seconds away from talking to the man I thought about everyday, I drempt about finding him and him coming home.
I stared at my phone for like 10mins trying to pluck up the courage to call. The phone rang, I thought I was going to throw up!!
"Hello"
"Hi there My name is Kristi H***, and I'm looking for a Lindsay S*****"
"Yes this is him"
I was frozen, couldn't say a word, he didnt remember my voice, I sure remembered his!
After a few "I'm such and such" and all, he told me he was remarried with 2 more kids.
My dream of him coming home slipped away within seconds.
I feel responisible somehow for not finding him sooner, If I found him sooner, maybe he could have come home.
I'm devistated, to the point where I can't think of anything else!! He's happy with the life he has now, but I'm miserable without him. He taught me how to break in horses, called my "Little Big Hair" because I'm short but have really poofy curly hair. I miss him so much.
Sorry for the rant, guess I just needed to vent. I know it shouldnt suprise me that he moved on, it was 6-7 years, I guess I just wish it could be different.
If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699478 is a reply to message #2699372 ] |
Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30  |
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| Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34 |
Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....
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What Glenda said...
People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.
I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699488 is a reply to message #2699478 ] |
Thu, 12 July 2012 19:37 |
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| megs wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30 |
| Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34 |
Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....
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What Glenda said...
People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.
I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox
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I spoke to my mum many years ago about finding him, she is still to this day heartbroken over the whole thing but said if I had to find him for myself then its what I should do, but her advice, "Becarefull, you may not like what you hear".. Should have listend.
This man was my step father yes, my bio dad is a alcho, drug adict who never really saw me as worthy of being his 'daughter', because he has another daughter to another woman who he dotes on.
My step dad loved me, would take me to work (Horse breaking), would help me with my pony etc.
I'm 20 now, you wouldn't think it would stil effect me, but what if I get married, I wouldnt want my bio dad to be there, I would want my step dad, who wouldn't be there as he's happy with his new family.
The joys hey.
If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699874 is a reply to message #2699349 ] |
Fri, 13 July 2012 09:32 |
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With taylorboy and Shonnie. Why don't you write to him, tell him about those things you remember and that you'd love to still have him in your life. Just because he has moved on does not mean he does not still love you. Maybe he has felt that as your Step Dad, he has not had the right to keep in touch.
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700005 is a reply to message #2699991 ] |
Fri, 13 July 2012 11:55 |
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Bellasmum
Messages: 41514
Registered: November 2005 |
You know what you are doing. |
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| Governors Shakirra wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 11:28 |
My mum would be heartbroken if I had anything to do with him. She's just not ready for that, to be honest, I don't know if I am yet either. I was expecting him to come home, not "my wife...."
So confusing. He didnt seem all that interested in talking to me on the phone either, which was quite dishearteneing.
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I guess you don't know the ins and outs of why they split, and its really not for you to know or worry about. You can't facilitate them getting back together, and its sad that you've lived with the thought that you could.
Sometimes you just have to accept that people leave your life and move on with theirs, leaving you behind. Sounds like this is what this man has done. He had no legal right to remain in contact, and doesn't sound like your mother could have handled it anyway.
I'm sorry it hasn't worked out as you planned. At least you've now made contact and I think it best if you leave it up to him as to whether he maintains it or not.
Sounds like he did a good job of being your stepfather, but chooses now to concentrate on a different life. Remember the good times, maybe drop a note or a christmas/birthday card to let him know you haven't forgotten him - and unfortunately thats about the best you can do at this stage.
Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700088 is a reply to message #2700020 ] |
Fri, 13 July 2012 13:34 |
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| kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11 |
Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.
That's real family.
The other sort just suck balls.
And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700197 is a reply to message #2700020 ] |
Fri, 13 July 2012 16:44 |
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| kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11 |
Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.
That's real family.
The other sort just suck balls.
And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.
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I understand if your family suck but not all family sucks.
I have a wonderfully family, both my parents would die for me if I asked and I would do the same for them. I have an awesome sister and on my mum side have awesome cousins and Aunties.
I'm so sorry GS that It didn't turn out like you wanted I can't imagine what it must be like for you.
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| Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700248 is a reply to message #2699349 ] |
Fri, 13 July 2012 18:09 |
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I feel for you g.s my story is like yours but I don't have a step - dad. Actually I may but I've never known my biological " family " so I don't really know. I was adopted at birth, my adoptive parents weren't told anything of biological parents. Or any family. Not that I haven't had two great parents. I have they have loved me like there own, they have done everything needed to help fix my birth defect. Which now you wouldn't know I had. I have a sister who hasn't treated me any differant even when we've had spats. I've been asked why I haven't searched for family, and I feel like what has happened to g.s this is why. I have support from my family if I wanted, but I think now at my age it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Meaning not to dig up past, I'm happy with what I've got.
Personally I've been through a lot, both emotional & physical & the ones that have been there to pick up the pieces is my family. It hasn't been easy for them but they don't say anything,
Can I say g.s
My heart goes out to you & I'd feel the same way, but now that you know. How your step dad feels. You've got to move on it's hard I'm sure. But in a way you've got the answer.
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