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Heartbroken... [message #2699349] Thu, 12 July 2012 17:12 Go to next message
  Governors Shakirra  is currently offline Governors Shakirra  
Messages: 522
Registered: January 2012
Location: My own 'Farm Of Crazy'
Level 1
As some of you may remember I have been looking for ,y step dad from around 6-7 years ago, I have been searching for him for app. 5 years. On july the 4th I founf his nephew on facebook and sent him a message regarding the fact that I have been looking for his uncle. Last night I got a reply. I guess I always hoped that I'd find my dad, he'd realise he missed my mum, brother and I, he'd come back, we'd be a family again. I know it sounds far fetched but I just missed him so bad.

The message I got from his nephew came with a phone number to call him, after 5 years, I was seconds away from talking to the man I thought about everyday, I drempt about finding him and him coming home.

I stared at my phone for like 10mins trying to pluck up the courage to call. The phone rang, I thought I was going to throw up!!

"Hello"
"Hi there My name is Kristi H***, and I'm looking for a Lindsay S*****"
"Yes this is him"

I was frozen, couldn't say a word, he didnt remember my voice, I sure remembered his!

After a few "I'm such and such" and all, he told me he was remarried with 2 more kids.


My dream of him coming home slipped away within seconds.
I feel responisible somehow for not finding him sooner, If I found him sooner, maybe he could have come home.

I'm devistated, to the point where I can't think of anything else!! He's happy with the life he has now, but I'm miserable without him. He taught me how to break in horses, called my "Little Big Hair" because I'm short but have really poofy curly hair. I miss him so much.

Sorry for the rant, guess I just needed to vent. I know it shouldnt suprise me that he moved on, it was 6-7 years, I guess I just wish it could be different.


If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.

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Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699359 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 17:24 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  bunny b  
Messages: 3557
Registered: February 2011
Unstoppable, ungaggable, unzippable
I'm so sorry for your dissappointment. Sad

Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699372 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Glenda  
Messages: 27419
Registered: October 2005
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699383 is a reply to message #2699372 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 17:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  mlpc2  
Messages: 7095
Registered: January 2011
Location: the club of me :)
This computer will self destruct in 10 posts
I'm sorry that it didn't go the way you had hoped Sad
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699478 is a reply to message #2699372 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  megs  is currently offline megs  
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Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34

Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....

Sad
What Glenda said...

People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.

I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699488 is a reply to message #2699478 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 19:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Governors Shakirra  is currently offline Governors Shakirra  
Messages: 522
Registered: January 2012
Location: My own 'Farm Of Crazy'
Level 1
megs wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30

Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34

Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....

Sad
What Glenda said...

People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.

I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox



I spoke to my mum many years ago about finding him, she is still to this day heartbroken over the whole thing but said if I had to find him for myself then its what I should do, but her advice, "Becarefull, you may not like what you hear".. Should have listend.

This man was my step father yes, my bio dad is a alcho, drug adict who never really saw me as worthy of being his 'daughter', because he has another daughter to another woman who he dotes on.


My step dad loved me, would take me to work (Horse breaking), would help me with my pony etc.

I'm 20 now, you wouldn't think it would stil effect me, but what if I get married, I wouldnt want my bio dad to be there, I would want my step dad, who wouldn't be there as he's happy with his new family.

The joys hey.


If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.

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Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699526 is a reply to message #2699478 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 20:14 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Isaboe  
Messages: 8066
Registered: January 2009
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to
megs wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30

Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34

Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....

Sad
What Glenda said...

People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.

I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox


No we dont because life isnt always like that but I also get why the OP is upset. For years I also had a "perfect family" fantasy and thought everything would be wonderful if I could just find my father and when he died before I could find him I was devastated. It took me along time to come to terms with it and even now it still $hits me.

Edited for huge quote fail Rolls Eyes

[Updated on: Thu, 12 July 2012 20:45]

Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699616 is a reply to message #2699526 ] Thu, 12 July 2012 21:35 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  taylorboy  
Messages: 382
Registered: May 2012
Level 1
just because he has moved one does not mean he might not want to be a part of your future life...

i fostered a girl 15 years ago and now she has come looking for me... due to the nature of fostering i am not sure me going looking would not have been the "right" thing. altought i have asked after her, with her dad once or twice.

it will be nice to catch up and have coffee and i hope although i was only a small part of her life for a very short time i hope i helped and i hope we might have a friendship.
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699776 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 01:03 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Shonnie  is currently offline Shonnie  
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Location: Maitland, NSW
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Exactly taylorboy.

Remember your Mum and he split for a reason and maybe it is best this way that he has moved on. I'm sorry that you don't have the family that you want but be happy with the family that you have. I'm sure your mum loves you very dearly and just because your step-dad has a new family doesn't mean that he won't want to be a part of your life.

My dad had remarried twice when I finally reconciled with him and though our relationship is rocky it's there. And that still means something. As my brother said recently 'It's a bit on and off but for the first time since I was 9 (he's now 21) I finally have both a mum and a dad' and he is over the moon about it.
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699874 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 09:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Vinter  
Messages: 1302
Registered: October 2011
Completely Insane
With taylorboy and Shonnie. Why don't you write to him, tell him about those things you remember and that you'd love to still have him in your life. Just because he has moved on does not mean he does not still love you. Maybe he has felt that as your Step Dad, he has not had the right to keep in touch.
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2699991 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 11:28 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Governors Shakirra  is currently offline Governors Shakirra  
Messages: 522
Registered: January 2012
Location: My own 'Farm Of Crazy'
Level 1
My mum would be heartbroken if I had anything to do with him. She's just not ready for that, to be honest, I don't know if I am yet either. I was expecting him to come home, not "my wife...."

So confusing. He didnt seem all that interested in talking to me on the phone either, which was quite dishearteneing.


If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.

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Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700005 is a reply to message #2699991 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 11:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42397
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
Governors Shakirra wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 11:28

My mum would be heartbroken if I had anything to do with him. She's just not ready for that, to be honest, I don't know if I am yet either. I was expecting him to come home, not "my wife...."

So confusing. He didnt seem all that interested in talking to me on the phone either, which was quite dishearteneing.


I guess you don't know the ins and outs of why they split, and its really not for you to know or worry about. You can't facilitate them getting back together, and its sad that you've lived with the thought that you could.

Sometimes you just have to accept that people leave your life and move on with theirs, leaving you behind. Sounds like this is what this man has done. He had no legal right to remain in contact, and doesn't sound like your mother could have handled it anyway.

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out as you planned. At least you've now made contact and I think it best if you leave it up to him as to whether he maintains it or not.

Sounds like he did a good job of being your stepfather, but chooses now to concentrate on a different life. Remember the good times, maybe drop a note or a christmas/birthday card to let him know you haven't forgotten him - and unfortunately thats about the best you can do at this stage.


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700008 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 11:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Governors Shakirra  is currently offline Governors Shakirra  
Messages: 522
Registered: January 2012
Location: My own 'Farm Of Crazy'
Level 1
I do actually know why they split, unfortunetly.


If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.

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Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700009 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 11:58 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  bayview  
Messages: 10141
Registered: February 2008
Out of my way, I am in the midst of a hoo haa monologue
I occasionally bump into my Mum's 'boyfriend'... He works on a ship that comes to the port here... they were together for quite a few years... and he was her partner when she passed away....

He stayed in contact and made an effort to come visit for my birthday, or at least send me a present. The last time I received a present from him tho, was my 18th birthday...

He has since married, and now has two step daughters and his own daughter.

It was a bit weird, but I can understand that it would be a bit weird for his wife too...

There is a lot of stigma attached to 'ex partners'.... And as a general rule, most people tend to not 'like' their partner's ex's...

She has never shown anything then courtesy to me... Even when the first time she met me was one of those 'random encounters' you have with people from your past....

I can understand where you were wanting him to 'come home'... I think that's just natural.... and its always a shock when your 'ddreams' don't eventuate...


Feel free to PM if you want to discuss it more, i'm happy to be a listening ear Smile


"I'm not Heartless, I just view the world different to you..."

"The foxes we shoot, save the wildlife you love"
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700010 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 12:00 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Governors Shakirra  is currently offline Governors Shakirra  
Messages: 522
Registered: January 2012
Location: My own 'Farm Of Crazy'
Level 1
Thankyou very much Bayview


If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong.

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Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700020 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  kristy25  
Messages: 1621
Registered: June 2010
Location: Coonabarabran
Completely Insane
Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.

That's real family.

The other sort just suck balls.

And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.


http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic008.gif
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700088 is a reply to message #2700020 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 13:34 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  megs  is currently offline megs  
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kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11

Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.

That's real family.

The other sort just suck balls.

And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.

Nod Nod Nod
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700151 is a reply to message #2700020 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 15:27 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Bellasmum  
Messages: 42397
Registered: November 2005
You know what you are doing.
kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11

Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.

That's real family.

The other sort just suck balls.

And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.


Or you can be one of the lucky ones and have a family you wouldn't swap for anything who are your greatest support and who will always get you no matter what - even your best friends can't replace your family.

And if you have a family that offers you nothing then don't take it personally - some people should never have children


Meryl - (but you can call me Marion)
Authorised member of the “ph Club”
Certificate MAC3475

Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700197 is a reply to message #2700020 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 16:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Jess_DHAC  is currently offline Jess_DHAC  
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kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11

Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.

That's real family.

The other sort just suck balls.

And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.



I understand if your family suck but not all family sucks.
I have a wonderfully family, both my parents would die for me if I asked and I would do the same for them. I have an awesome sister and on my mum side have awesome cousins and Aunties.

I'm so sorry GS that It didn't turn out like you wanted I can't imagine what it must be like for you.


"I'm a self styled Bitch"
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700203 is a reply to message #2699478 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 16:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  k.russell  
Messages: 1324
Registered: July 2011
Completely Insane
megs wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 19:30

Glenda wrote on Thu, 12 July 2012 17:34

Kristi...have you spoken to your mother about this....did she want a reconciliation....and this is your step father?....what about your biological father?....its sad that its always the kids that get hurt when relationships fail....Im sorry you dont have the family you so desperately crave .....

Sad
What Glenda said...

People come and go in our lives, very rarely do they come back and if they do its not always for the better. I'm sorry you don't have the kind of family you want, many of us don't.

I think some counselling might help, you obviously feel like something is missing in your life. Big huge hugs xoxox


What these two said. I haven't any advice that hasn't already been said but I do want to send you a big hug OOOO You poor bugger, as a mother my heart hurts for you.


"Be truthful, gentle and fearless."- Gandhi
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700248 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Fri, 13 July 2012 18:09 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  clydesdalelover  is currently offline clydesdalelover  
Messages: 1245
Registered: March 2012
Completely Insane
I feel for you g.s my story is like yours but I don't have a step - dad. Actually I may but I've never known my biological " family " so I don't really know. I was adopted at birth, my adoptive parents weren't told anything of biological parents. Or any family. Not that I haven't had two great parents. I have they have loved me like there own, they have done everything needed to help fix my birth defect. Which now you wouldn't know I had. I have a sister who hasn't treated me any differant even when we've had spats. I've been asked why I haven't searched for family, and I feel like what has happened to g.s this is why. I have support from my family if I wanted, but I think now at my age it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Meaning not to dig up past, I'm happy with what I've got.
Personally I've been through a lot, both emotional & physical & the ones that have been there to pick up the pieces is my family. It hasn't been easy for them but they don't say anything,

Can I say g.s
My heart goes out to you & I'd feel the same way, but now that you know. How your step dad feels. You've got to move on it's hard I'm sure. But in a way you've got the answer.
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700667 is a reply to message #2700197 ] Sat, 14 July 2012 10:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  kristy25  
Messages: 1621
Registered: June 2010
Location: Coonabarabran
Completely Insane
Jess_DHAC wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 16:44

kristy25 wrote on Fri, 13 July 2012 12:11

Family sucks.....but in some ways you can learn to choose and love your own family of best friends who ARE there for you.

That's real family.

The other sort just suck balls.

And life's a mother farken b!tch when it wants to be.



I understand if your family suck but not all family sucks.
I have a wonderfully family, both my parents would die for me if I asked and I would do the same for them. I have an awesome sister and on my mum side have awesome cousins and Aunties.

I'm so sorry GS that It didn't turn out like you wanted I can't imagine what it must be like for you.


That's great for you and I understand if you have a wonderful family but sometimes we are all not so lucky.

And yes BM....Some people shouldn't have children as my Mother frequently tells me that the abortion she tried to have when she found out she had become pregnant with me didn't work after she had been raped was lucky, then on other days I get told she wished it had of worked.

I hope my biological father rots in hell because the man I have always loved, known and brought me up to be the person I am is someone even my OH looks up to. He will be my Dad and my only Dad forever.


http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic008.gif
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2700962 is a reply to message #2699349 ] Sat, 14 July 2012 17:44 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Isaboe  
Messages: 8066
Registered: January 2009
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to
Fark Kristy, I thought my family was dysfunctional Shocked

My father was a twat, I married and bred with another twat but I do know there are wonderful fathers out there. As a kid I used to envy the family life of my friends and now the OH and I have friends that are amazing dads. To be honest, I think there are just as many $hit mothers out there as fathers...which is sad Sad
Re: Heartbroken... [message #2701011 is a reply to message #2700962 ] Sat, 14 July 2012 18:20 Go to previous message
  ellabw6  is currently offline ellabw6  
Messages: 2399
Registered: January 2012
Stark, Raving Bonkers
If you're super lucky like me you get both Laughing Thumbs Up

But seriously, I would maybe write a letter or something explaining how you feel and letting him know how much you care and still want him in your life.

If he doesn't want to be in it then that is his choice but if at least give him a chance, even if it isn't the way you expected him to be in your life you can at least still have him there.


The horse through all its trials has preserved the sweetness of paradise in its blood.
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