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Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2677803 is a reply to message #2677071 ] Sat, 16 June 2012 07:23 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  carriage diva  
Messages: 6159
Registered: August 2009
Location: GPHS
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taylorboy wrote on Fri, 15 June 2012 08:41

well when i comes to drugs its against the law...

i have worked with girls who have done drug deals at work and in front of me...

i choose not to do drugs... my choice... but in the case of those that do... thats also their choice and thats fine. if they do and want to bring drugs into my home then i have to make a choice to exclude them from my home, i choose to do the right thing and have to accept the consequences of my choices... and they for their bad choices.


i stuggle with those who say you need to support family who do drugs and break the law in your home... why should you risk you job you life and good reputation for some one who cares more about drugs?

if you are caught with drugs in your home you might end up with charges laid against you while being innocent.


Spot on, live and let live I say. How does the saying go.... never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
My brother is a druggie and a drunk, I have never taken drugs and I dont drink alchahol, nor do I approve of people who do, but it is his life and he is a big boy and can make his own decisions. I just limit my contact with him and he is never allowed to do drugs around me.

Just because you are related to someone does not mean you have to like them, but it also doesnt mean you need to hate them, just walk away, like you would a stranger in the street.


http://i1203.photobucket.com/albums/bb389/DeeJayPonies/My%20Carriage%20Ponies/bratsrunning_zps9a4d3d7a.jpg
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2677811 is a reply to message #2676030 ] Sat, 16 June 2012 07:47 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Private Eye  
Messages: 6193
Registered: October 2005
Location: GVEC
This computer will self destruct in 10 posts
my oh has a beauty of a saying

"you worry about what your doing and Ill worry about what im doing"

in all honesty if he chooses that path then its not your problem

Im sure he is old enouhg and ugly enouhg to look after himself and make these decisions


but in saying that regarding hatred to other family members

I dont but it seems my mum and dads family hated either mum or dad lol

eg mum took away dads mothers meal ticket by marrying him Rolls Eyes Rolls Eyes oh and not to mention letting my dad have a life Rolls Eyes Rolls Eyes

my mums brothers and wife and kids Confused hated my dad because they took my mum away from them and he told them that they needed to buy my mothers share of the house they where living in as dad wanted the money for us kids education ( ahouse in ryde syd)

so heres what i did at about 15........told them all face to face that i dont give two ****s what when on with them and my parents and that this wil not effect out relationship

the only slight hatred i have is towards my uncles wife (cant even call her an aunty) he lived longer than both my parents and depsite efforts of keeping in contact with my uncle to see how he was getting on. she couldnt even tell us that he had passed away........she got her accountant too Surprised Surprised

he proceeds to tell us there was no funeral, no nothing......well thats a lovely send off isnt it Confused Confused but thankfully his ashes are scattered where my dad is (his brother)

i have nothing i want to say to her......i dont hate her i just feel she is a very sad person and i dont want to be part of that Surprised Surprised
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2677817 is a reply to message #2677795 ] Sat, 16 June 2012 08:02 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  kristy25  
Messages: 1621
Registered: June 2010
Location: Coonabarabran
Completely Insane
Mac wrote on Sat, 16 June 2012 07:05

Isaboe wrote on Thu, 14 June 2012 07:58

Spook wrote on Wed, 13 June 2012 22:35

What do you do when you can't even look at that person without feeling disgusted, ashamed or even hatred?

Anyone else ever lose respect for people that they once held close to their heart or have any tips on how to get past these feelings? Sad


I find this really sad Sad I cant imagine anything coming between myself and my sisters and their families. We have our times that we pi$$ each other off but the very next time we catch up then all is forgiven.

I was talking one day with one of my sisters about this very subject and I said that I couldnt ever imagine not talking to one of my nieces and she said maybe if she murdered someone, but I replied "it would depend on who she murdered" Confused




I only have one sibling (brother), and due to an incident that occurred about 20 years ago, involving him and his wife, I have had nothing to do with them since ..... and I have no regret whatsoever.

IMO people are people, whether they're family or friends, and being family does NOT give anyone the right to behave in a more unacceptable way towards other family members.

I'm fairly tolerant with people but there comes a time when you just need to cut them out of your life, because they're not worth it ... I'd much rather enrich my life with people who really matter.


How do you do it Mac?

I have tried time and time again with my Mother but her manipulation seems to win, especially as I just adore my Dad.

She uses my children against us mostly and I just find it's so hard and I'm the one full guilt and sadness Confused she somehow does this to me and I hate it. I hate feeling like this about it all.

She was part of the reason we moved as she came in between my OH and many times and has told me and twisted it all that she wants me to divorce him because he took me away from her Confused ....It's all really hard but I would just love to have the strength to do it Sad I really would.


http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-angelic008.gif
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2677848 is a reply to message #2677817 ] Sat, 16 June 2012 09:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Emma  
Messages: 9242
Registered: October 2005
Location: Yarrawonga
Its my party and I'll hoo haa if I want to

kristy25 wrote on Sat, 16 June 2012 08:02

Mac wrote on Sat, 16 June 2012 07:05

Isaboe wrote on Thu, 14 June 2012 07:58

Spook wrote on Wed, 13 June 2012 22:35

What do you do when you can't even look at that person without feeling disgusted, ashamed or even hatred?

Anyone else ever lose respect for people that they once held close to their heart or have any tips on how to get past these feelings? Sad


I find this really sad Sad I cant imagine anything coming between myself and my sisters and their families. We have our times that we pi$$ each other off but the very next time we catch up then all is forgiven.

I was talking one day with one of my sisters about this very subject and I said that I couldnt ever imagine not talking to one of my nieces and she said maybe if she murdered someone, but I replied "it would depend on who she murdered" Confused




I only have one sibling (brother), and due to an incident that occurred about 20 years ago, involving him and his wife, I have had nothing to do with them since ..... and I have no regret whatsoever.

IMO people are people, whether they're family or friends, and being family does NOT give anyone the right to behave in a more unacceptable way towards other family members.

I'm fairly tolerant with people but there comes a time when you just need to cut them out of your life, because they're not worth it ... I'd much rather enrich my life with people who really matter.


How do you do it Mac?

I have tried time and time again with my Mother but her manipulation seems to win, especially as I just adore my Dad.

She uses my children against us mostly and I just find it's so hard and I'm the one full guilt and sadness Confused she somehow does this to me and I hate it. I hate feeling like this about it all.

She was part of the reason we moved as she came in between my OH and many times and has told me and twisted it all that she wants me to divorce him because he took me away from her Confused ....It's all really hard but I would just love to have the strength to do it Sad I really would.

Kristy have you ever spoken to a psych about your mum? I think you realise you will never change your mum, the only thing you will change is how you let her affect you.


Toot toot chugga chugga big red car...
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678412 is a reply to message #2676030 ] Sat, 16 June 2012 23:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Spook  is currently offline Spook  
Messages: 669
Registered: May 2012
Level 1 - Advanced
Everyone just thought I'd mention a few things.
1. Doing drugs is not actually illegal, as far as I know, however being in possesion (or driving a vehicle) is illegal.

2. Thank you all very very much for sharing stories and what not. It has made me open my eyes that he could me doing much worse things and our relationship could be far worse than what it is.
To all those who no longer have contact or struggle with family members, you are all very strong people and I am striving to be the same and live my life and let him live his. I will always be here for him because he is my older brother but I am going to limit the impact I have on the negative things in his life.

I have actually spoken to my brother tonight (a bit hard to not do this since he lives in the same house as me) and instead of judging him, I avoided bringing up the topic of drugs and we actually had an okay talk (well it didn't end in a screaming match or punches being thrown haha)
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678432 is a reply to message #2678412 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 03:04 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  FCEH  
Messages: 2341
Registered: June 2007
Stark, Raving Bonkers
Spook wrote on Sat, 16 June 2012 23:55

Everyone just thought I'd mention a few things.
1. Doing drugs is not actually illegal, as far as I know, however being in possesion (or driving a vehicle) is illegal.

2. Thank you all very very much for sharing stories and what not. It has made me open my eyes that he could me doing much worse things and our relationship could be far worse than what it is.
To all those who no longer have contact or struggle with family members, you are all very strong people and I am striving to be the same and live my life and let him live his. I will always be here for him because he is my older brother but I am going to limit the impact I have on the negative things in his life.

I have actually spoken to my brother tonight (a bit hard to not do this since he lives in the same house as me) and instead of judging him, I avoided bringing up the topic of drugs and we actually had an okay talk (well it didn't end in a screaming match or punches being thrown haha)



There in lies the biggest problem...Over the past 20 years normalising drug taking has crept into our society. People aren't even frightened of the penalties because there are hardly any prosecutions made anymore for low level possesion and use. If there was the jails would be splitting at the seams and the system would need 24/7 courts to deal with the offences if people were charged.

There is practically no consequence for taking drugs these days so everyone does it, thus ensuring a fabulously bouyant market for dealers.

Leaving the little guy alone and chasing Mr. Bigs who manufacture and distribute drugs has backfired completely.
If the low level users were dealt with harshly the market would diminish rapidly and the over all problem would be decreased.


I think Australia has given up on the 'war on drugs'. Hopefully there will be enough money around to fund the mental health services needed to care for all the current low level users over the next decades.
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678438 is a reply to message #2678432 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 06:17 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Mac  
Messages: 22549
Registered: October 2005
The forum drove me to drink. Remind me to thank it.
FCEH wrote on Sun, 17 June 2012 03:04

Spook wrote on Sat, 16 June 2012 23:55

Everyone just thought I'd mention a few things.
1. Doing drugs is not actually illegal, as far as I know, however being in possesion (or driving a vehicle) is illegal.

2. Thank you all very very much for sharing stories and what not. It has made me open my eyes that he could me doing much worse things and our relationship could be far worse than what it is.
To all those who no longer have contact or struggle with family members, you are all very strong people and I am striving to be the same and live my life and let him live his. I will always be here for him because he is my older brother but I am going to limit the impact I have on the negative things in his life.

I have actually spoken to my brother tonight (a bit hard to not do this since he lives in the same house as me) and instead of judging him, I avoided bringing up the topic of drugs and we actually had an okay talk (well it didn't end in a screaming match or punches being thrown haha)



There in lies the biggest problem...Over the past 20 years normalising drug taking has crept into our society. People aren't even frightened of the penalties because there are hardly any prosecutions made anymore for low level possesion and use. If there was the jails would be splitting at the seams and the system would need 24/7 courts to deal with the offences if people were charged.

There is practically no consequence for taking drugs these days so everyone does it, thus ensuring a fabulously bouyant market for dealers.

Leaving the little guy alone and chasing Mr. Bigs who manufacture and distribute drugs has backfired completely.
If the low level users were dealt with harshly the market would diminish rapidly and the over all problem would be decreased.


I think Australia has given up on the 'war on drugs'. Hopefully there will be enough money around to fund the mental health services needed to care for all the current low level users over the next decades.




In Victoria, using illicit drugs IS AN OFFENCE, and is legislated in the Drugs, Poisons and Controlled Substances Act.

and ironically, I've recently authorised 3 separate briefs of evidence where this charge has been authorised for prosecution - 2 of which don't have the usual charge of possess drug, which is a hand-in-hand offence.


and before everyone thinks the same as FCEH in regards to "everyone" using drugs Confused because there is no consequence when detected, that is also totally, totally wrong.

the drug diversion program, and CREDIT program, have both been in use for about 12 and 10 years respectively, and are directed to treating low level drug users, rather than punishing them. Education and rehabilitation are far more productive in changing a person's lifestyle than locking them up. Confused

Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678549 is a reply to message #2676030 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 10:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  FCEH  
Messages: 2341
Registered: June 2007
Stark, Raving Bonkers
Ah...i stuffed up my post previously...I meant to cut and paste some info re which drugs were illegal and some of the penalties....

ie...I KNOW they are illegal but the point I am making is that despite them being illegal the normalisation of drug taking is giving people the impression that they aren't illegal.

So I completely misrepresented myself in the above post....must have been tired....


In general young people do not appear to be at all concerned by buying their bags of powder and weed. They know the consequence is nil to minimal.


Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678728 is a reply to message #2676030 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 15:26 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  megs  is currently offline megs  
Messages: 6653
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Location: PADARC
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You guys live together, in your parents house i assume???

Let them deal with it or move out Smile
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678736 is a reply to message #2678728 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 15:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
  Spook  is currently offline Spook  
Messages: 669
Registered: May 2012
Level 1 - Advanced
Mac, I live in QLD so unfortunatly we do not have the same law in regards to drug usage. Wish we did. I ado agree that education and rehab is far more appropriate but how do you educate someone who does not want to be educated?


megs wrote on Sun, 17 June 2012 15:26

You guys live together, in your parents house i assume???

Let them deal with it or move out Smile


megs unfortunatly at only 15/16 I have nowhere to move too so that option is not available to me and it is highly unlikely he will move out any time soon.
Re: When you lose all respect for family members... [message #2678744 is a reply to message #2678736 ] Sun, 17 June 2012 15:45 Go to previous message
  megs  is currently offline megs  
Messages: 6653
Registered: May 2010
Location: PADARC
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Spook wrote on Sun, 17 June 2012 15:32

Mac, I live in QLD so unfortunatly we do not have the same law in regards to drug usage. Wish we did. I ado agree that education and rehab is far more appropriate but how do you educate someone who does not want to be educated?


megs wrote on Sun, 17 June 2012 15:26

You guys live together, in your parents house i assume???

Let them deal with it or move out Smile


megs unfortunatly at only 15/16 I have nowhere to move too so that option is not available to me and it is highly unlikely he will move out any time soon.

Then its your parents job to deal with him.

My sister and i didn't talk the last 2 years we lived together. It CAN be done, and is probably the only thing you can do Smile
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